when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
