her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
