i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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