okay pat passed out under dana's car
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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