Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
