The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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