Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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