i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
