hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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