Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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