i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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