Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
