I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
