is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Someone signed my nipple.
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