Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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