Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
