just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
