Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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