It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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