I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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