So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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