just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize