Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
