i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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