Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
