i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
