He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
