my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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