I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
