She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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