I think im going to throw up on grandma
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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