After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize