I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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