just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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