I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize