I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
