I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
