Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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