is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
nutella sex= disaster
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
