I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
