I wish I could punch you in the face.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
