i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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