On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
