1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
