Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
