Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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