I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
