she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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