so explain again why im purple
no
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
