I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my poor anus
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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