I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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