He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
