worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
