Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
