I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
