When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
