just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
