if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
