your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize