i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
