My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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