Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
