It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
