Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize