OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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