The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A+ Viking dick
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