I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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