she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
