pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
