He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I look better un-naked...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
