did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
