Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
