He felt like a one man threesome
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
