OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
