I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
