So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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