my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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