So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
