I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
