don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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