Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
